The BROJO Self-Development Pyramid

200 Self-Acceptance

Driven by the Value of Acceptance

Skills to Practice

  • Identify what you can control, and are responsible for (your own behaviour & choices)
  • Clearly separate that from what you cannot control, or are not responsible for (e.g. other people’s behavior & choices)
  • Learn to let go of the things you do not control, or are not responsible for, and let them be as they are.
  • Work on the easiest Shame grid items level 1 & 2 (of 5)
  • Pursue failure, rather than limiting yourself to the comfort zone of “guaranteed success.”
  • Family, Friend & Work Relationships
  • Be authentic, live by your Values, express your opinion.
  • Realize you are no better, or worse, than anyone else.
  • Pursue balance of investment in your relationships. You and the other person should invest equally (though not necessarily in the same way)

Let Go Of

  • Judgement, of yourself, and of others. Everyone is absolutely OK just as they are, including you.
  • Perfectionism
  • The belief that you are "Not Good Enough" for the things you want in life
  • Fantasies (future ideals that you have deep attachment to, e.g. imagined relationships)
  • Irrational fears
  • Fear of failure
  • The belief that happiness comes from outside of you.

Journaling Questions

  • Where did I feel frustration today?
  • In those situations, what was I trying to control, that I could not change?
  • What did I fail at today? Did I pull short of taking a risk of failure? What can I do to push harder tomorrow?
  • What can I do to improve my level of effort tomorrow, regardless of the success/failure outcome?

Self-Review

You are ready to move to the next level, when you can answer YES to all of these questions.

  • Have I identified what I can change in myself, & my life, & my world?
  • Have I identified what I cannot change & let go of trying to control that? e.g. other people, past events.
  • Have I faced, and accepted my regrets about the past?
  • Are my "shortcomings" ok?

The Pyramid

Click to view the details for a level;

The Self-Development Pyramid is based on the principles of schematic learning. Each level of skills is progressively based on the underlying skills - crawling, then standing, then walking, then running, and so on.

Key Points

  • Practicing skills and performing tasks at levels higher than you are ready for is 10X more difficult than necessary, is often wasted effort, and can lead to unhelpful failures.  
  • Investing in the lower levels pushes everything above them up, no matter how advanced you are in the pyramid. Invest in those fundamentals as much as you can.
  • The skills, journaling and progression questions shown here are for general self-development. However you can apply the pyramid to any area you want to develop, e.g. health, fitness, romance, social skills, or starting a business.
  • In different areas of your life, you’ll be at different levels of development.  Health, fitness, career, friendships, family, romantic relationships.
  • Like any pyramid, the lower layers are much thicker and more foundational. It will take time to work through those, but do not let that deter you- your progress will be exponential if you build a solid foundation in your personal development practice.