A few months ago, a guy I know took me aside, sat me down, and said that he had to admit something to me: he thought of me as boring and anti-social.
It's fair for him to think that way. The few times that we see each other, I am that way for various reasons.
As part of my commitment to reserve my best energy for my loved ones (people pleasers usually give their best to unimportant people and then bring nothing but the dregs home), if I’m sleep deprived only my family and clients will get the good stuff from me. Everyone else will think I’m a dick.
I just remember how refreshing it felt to have someone be upfront with how they feel about me. It’s going to be so much easier around him now that I know where I stand and how to navigate our relationship.
How rare this is!
We so rarely tell people how we actually feel about them, positively or negatively. And so, they have no idea how to navigate with us, or they're deluded into thinking something that's not true. We force them to guess, and they probably guess wrong most of the time.
You can be this honest with people. You can do it respectfully, and they will benefit from it.
Not doing it is a form of indirect gaslighting.