One of the things you’ve always got to remember when somebody counterattacks you during a confrontation is this: if they really had a problem with the issue they are bringing up now, they would have brought it up earlier.

It’s just too much of a coincidence that now is the time they think to bring it up.

This is how you know it’s manipulation.

Whether it’s intentional or unintentional doesn’t really matter because they’re bringing it up now, in reaction to you bringing up your own problem.

You can reasonably assume that they wouldn’t have brought this up unless they wanted to use it as a tool to control you.

Why are they only bringing it up now?

Maybe it’s because they didn’t have the courage to confront you, and now that you’ve made them angry, they finally got the courage.

There could be a reasonable reason this is the first time they’re bringing it up, but it doesn’t matter. It’s still going to be set aside for a separate conversation.

You can say, "Okay, when we’re done with this, we can talk about that, but we’re not done with this yet."

You just have to be like a dog with a bone—do not let go of the idea of parking their separate concerns for another discussion.

You may say something like: “Yep, we can talk about that another time. Today, we’re talking about this. This time, we’re staying on this topic.”

You’re just relentless, assertive but calm.

You don’t let them elevate you, and you don’t breathe any life into any of the other points they bring up.

You don’t even acknowledge what they say.

You don’t reflect it, repeat it, deny it, or try to prove it wrong.

You just wait for them to finish talking and say, "That’s a separate topic. We’ll discuss it later."

You don’t even justify why you won’t talk about it.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here:

https://youtu.be/63G0sSWfx3c

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