If you’ve spent years trying to be a good person—polite, helpful, easygoing, agreeable—and somehow ended up anxious, exhausted, lonely, resentful, and unsure who you actually are… this one’s for you.

I’ve been coaching people pleasers and “nice guys” since 2013, and I can tell you this with full confidence: the Nice Guy strategy does not work. Not socially, not romantically, not professionally, and definitely not for your mental health.

This week’s video kicks off a five-part deep-dive short course on Nice Guy Syndrome, focused on practical steps you can actually use to rebuild your confidence, repair your relationships, and reconnect with your real identity—not the mask you’ve been wearing.

Here’s the core idea: Nice Guy Syndrome isn’t about being kind. It’s about performing niceness in order to get approval, affection, validation, safety, love, or some kind of emotional payoff. Over time, that performance becomes your personality. You stop being you, and you start being whatever keeps everyone else comfortable.

And the cost is brutal.

Most nice guys experience a lifetime of subtle (and not-so-subtle) anxiety. They’re constantly scanning the room for signs of rejection, discomfort, disappointment, conflict—basically anything that might reflect badly on them. You end up hyper aware of how everyone feels, yet completely disconnected from how you feel.

There’s also that quiet resentment that builds over the years—this sinking belief that you’re doing “everything right,” while everyone else seems to get the success, respect, or affection you think you’ve earned. Meanwhile, you feel stuck on the sidelines, wondering what the hell you’re doing wrong.

And because the whole system is based on keeping interactions smooth, pleasant, and non-threatening, nice guys never build the intimacy or emotional depth required for real connection. You can have a full social circle and still feel like an alien hiding among humans. You can be married and still feel utterly alone.

Worse, this strategy actually repels healthy confident people and attracts the exact opposite—abusive, chaotic, damaged people who benefit from your lack of boundaries.

In the first video of the series, I walk you through:

• What Nice Guy Syndrome really is (not the pop-culture version)
• Where it comes from, including childhood conditioning, attachment styles, and the “earn love” dynamic
• Why your brain exaggerates social danger, and how imagined rejection becomes your “truth”
• The real costs—chronic anxiety, loneliness, weak boundaries, sexual issues, loss of identity
• Why the method backfires, pushing people away instead of drawing them in
• How this isn’t kindness—it’s covert manipulation driven by fear

Most importantly, I talk about how this entire identity can be dismantled and rebuilt from a place of honesty, courage, and integrity… so you can stop performing and start actually living.

If any of this feels uncomfortably familiar, I strongly encourage you to watch the full video. It might be the first time someone has explained your internal world to you in a way that actually makes sense.

👉 Watch the video here—and hit reply to tell me which Nice Guy trait you recognize in yourself the most.

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