BROJO publications

Webinar - Endgame: Confidence Role Models

Original Question:

Notes:

General principles – what real confidence looks like

-         Sacrifice outcomes for integrity

-         Willingness to appear weak (be judged), in orderto be honest

-         Absence of contradiction or hypocrisy

-         Role-model – does it rather than tells it, leadsby example and charisma, no need to dominate

-         Contained energy – not hyper or morose – minimalfluctuations

-         Pays attention, listens carefully

-         Open to being wrong – willing to lose and learn

-         Live and let live – disagree without force,assert without defensiveness

-         Choose pain to grow – disdain int gratification

-         Not defensive in the face of personal attacks –unconcerned with false opinions

-         Bounces back quickly from upsets

-         No blaming or complaining, just getting on withit or letting it go

-         Manages health – e.g. can have depression butdoes the right thing to manage it

-         Emotionally shameless and expressive

 

Fools gold – what fake confidence looks like

-         Good looks / smooth image (appearances are oflittle value to highly confident people)

-         Hedonism (confident people practice restraintand delayed gratification)

-         Grandiosity (confident people let you decide foryourself)

-         Comparison and winning competitions (confidentpeople aren’t comparing/competing against others)

-         Bullying (confident people don’t need to controlor dominate)

-         “word salad” – intelligence as a defence(confident people will aim to help you understand)

-         Extroversion/loudness/dominance (confidentpeople move along the spectrum as appropriate)

-         Showboating (confident people fine with goingunnoticed)

-         Staunch / unaffected (confident people happy tobe seen for feeling stuff)

-         High achievement and discipline (confidentpeople can have this too but it can be faked and done for wrong reasons)

-         Big following (even the worst people can lead,confident people tend to have smaller niche followers or “accidentally” leade.g. Mandela)

Eg

Donald Trump – very successful and powerful, but… lies foraffect; more concerned with winning than helping; dissasociative language stylereflects psychopathic traits

Jordan Belfort – very famous and successful, but… hedonistic;sees people as resources; IG is all that matters; thrives on deception –smugness; destroyed people just to win, openly manipulative

Kim Kardashian – very famous, pretty and rich, but… outwardappearances are all; will whore herself for publicity; desperate for attention

Dan Bilzerian – very popular, rich and successful, but… hedonism/showoff; quantity over quality; gives impression of non-caring and easy lifewithout problems; clearly obsessed with impressing others

Ari Gold – dominant and successful, but… aggression / win atall costs; uses humour to hide insecurities; obsessed with improvement, neversatisfied or present

 

Be wary of rich, famous/popular, and powerful. Often thissuccess is based on a deep neediness – rich/scarcity, popular/abandonment, andpowerful/control.

I’ve been fooled before: Kevin Spacey, Lewis Howes, MotherTheresa

 

Role-models (vid clips)

Fact is, I think there aren’t many high profile rolemodels,because truly confident people are content to be everyday folk. They’ll bepeople with “small” lives who live with passion, assertiveness and giving. E.g.my dad, dance teachers, my friend Honza.

Keep in mind, this isn’t about agreeing with or liking thesepeople, they are simply confident. Don’t focus so much on WHAT they say as muchas HOW they say it and what it must take for them to speak to an audience aboutthis stuff. You don’t have to like them personally, just notice how theywouldn’t care if you didn’t.

 

Russell Brandt –playfulness/vulnerability/shamelessness

On body image…

https://youtu.be/Uj-kWzOLVAU?t=14sto 0:55

He talks about deep shame like he’s talking about what hehad for breakfast. He isn’t “fixed” either, it’s still ongoing.

 

Jordan Peterson – honesty/courage/responsibility

He’s been asked how he stays so confident during conflicts,has just said it’s not about trying to win…

https://youtu.be/SU2409USjaA?t=5m35sto 07:09

Values honesty/truth over being seen as composed, showsemotions without refrain, appreciates his gifts – no bragging

 

Will Smith – meaning/honesty/connection

On relationships

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMZ2aNnJdx8– full video

Acceptance, openness, boundary setting, humble about hiserrors

 

David Goggins – determination/courage/responsibility

On responsibility

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmwIkXk4QtAto 1:14

Suffering builds you, shamelessness, failure is important

 

Brene Brown – shamelessness/vulnerability/acceptance/love

On shame

https://youtu.be/psN1DORYYV0?t=15sto 2:28

Notice the playfulness with which she describes emotionallypainful experiences – feels like she’s talking to a close friend and not 3 milstrangers

 

Byron Katie – acceptance/accuracy/meaning

On The Work:

https://youtu.be/-Bs1GTqxRvc?t=28sto 1:55

Notice how present she is, thinking carefully to be ashonest as possible. Discipline to stick with those questions – her version ofvalued living

 

Jim Carrey – giving/humility/passion

When asked about fame

https://youtu.be/yz0bjLk9rUo?t=6m25sto 07:51

Admits to being a total fraud

 

Other examples to look up: Prince Harry, Garry fromMasterchef, Keanu Reeves, Tom Hanks, Tom Hardy, Joe Rogan, chuck Palahniuk

 

What do you notice about all these people?

How are they different to you?

 

In the end, comparison isn’t actually that helpful. Thinkmore that when you stop comparing you got it sorted

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