Most people say they want “deep, meaningful relationships” – but if you actually watched them socialize, you’d swear they were optimising for numbers, not depth.

In this week’s video, I break down the difference between deep connections and shallow/superficial ones – without demonising either. You need both in a healthy life. You don’t want an hour-long heart-to-heart with the gas station attendant. Sometimes “Hey, how’s it going?” is all that’s required.

The problem is this:

A lot of people are living almost their entire life in shallow mode…
even with their partner, family, and closest friends.

They’re having the same copy-paste conversations with everyone. Safe topics, small talk, transactional chats at work, “I’m fine, you’re fine, we’re all fine.” No one’s really being vulnerable. Nobody’s showing the bits they’re ashamed of. And then they wonder why they feel lonely, even in a crowded life.

In the video, I unpack:

• What a shallow connection actually is
  Safe topics, scripted replies, low emotional intensity, easy to replace. You could swap the person out and hardly notice.
• What a deep connection really looks like
  Vulnerable, unscripted, emotionally charged, memorable. You say things you’ve never said before. You reveal things you’ve never shared. You both allow each other to go deeper and match each other’s honesty.
• Why deep connections are so powerful
  I talk about a 70-year longitudinal study on happiness that found the single strongest predictor of life satisfaction was having at least one deep, meaningful relationship – not a huge social circle, not surface-level popularity.
• The real costs of going deep
  This isn’t all sunshine. Deep connections bring grief when they end, less quantity (you can’t go deep with everyone), and more risk: rejection, confrontation, people judging the real you. Once you’ve tasted depth, small talk becomes almost unbearable.
• The hidden downside of staying shallow
  Shallow is easy and “safe” in the short term, but long term it’s fragile and lonely. People are replaceable, loyalty is conditional, and you never really get to relax and be fully yourself.

Then I show you how to actually create deep connections, using my 3X model:

• Curiosity – Honestly ask yourself what you really want to know about them, and what you’re afraid to share about yourself.
• Honesty – Share the thing that risks the outcome (the stuff you’re ashamed of, your real intentions), and show your thoughts “in process” instead of polishing everything first.
• Respect – Say one truthful thing, then shut up and let them react. No controlling, no rescuing, no rushing.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re surrounded by people yet no one truly knows you, this video will hit home. You’ll see exactly why that’s happening, and what to do differently – without trying to be more “likable” or chasing more people.

👉 Watch the full video here to learn how to build fewer, deeper, irreplaceable connections – and finally shift from quantity to quality in your social life.

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