I used to really struggle with socializing, especially when it came to romance and dating.
I felt like I was putting in so much effort, doing so many hours per week trying to make things happen and it just wasn't working.
I’d be dancing in nightclubs for 10 hours a week, and cruising through parties every other night. I was texting people like crazy every day. Yet my social circle was based almost entirely on luck and who would have me. I felt powerless.
What I now realize is it's because I didn't understand that certain actions are far more valuable than others, and there's three in particular when it comes to socializing that do all the heavy lifting. And if you don't do them, like I wasn’t, then your social life cannot improve.
I call them the Three I's: Initiate, Interest and Invite.
You have to be initiating connections with people, starting things off. That's half the work done. You’d be amazed at how much just taking charge and introducing yourself does for your social life on it’s own!
You have to show interest in people. They have to know that you like them without any doubt, so that they don't fear rejection. That doesn’t mean asking them questions. It means getting comfortable saying direct things like “I like you” and “I’m attracted to you” and “You’re my favourite person here”.
And then you have to invite them into your life. I don't mean asking for a phone number. I mean inviting them come to events and activities with you, so they can join your life beyond where you first met them.
If those I’s are the only three things you do, your social life will escalate dramatically. And if you’re not doing them, all your other efforts will be a waste of time.
For more on this topic, check out my longer video Beyond Dating: The Green Pill integrity-based approach to finding your ideal partner here: