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Breaking Free from Validation: Healthy Performance Strategies for Nice Guys

I'm very open to the idea that there is both healthy and unhealthy performing. Artistic or entertaining expression can be done in a healthy way, so it's all about motives.

Why are you doing it?

What are you attached to in terms of outcomes?

See, the performer type Nice Guy—on one level, he might just be having a good time and doing what he loves.

However, the primary underlying motive has always been to get approval, love, and validation from people.

For one to be a healthy performer, that need for approval must be removed or reduced as much as possible.

To be able to move from seeking approval and validation to performing for a healthy reason, you have to find some way to insert into your performance something that detaches you from the outcomes.

For example, if I were a musical performer playing cover songs that everyone liked, I might throw in a song that I just want to play for me—and I know they're not going to like it—or I might throw in one of my own songs, not knowing how they're going to react.

Even if they hate it, I’d still play it every time because it’s one of my songs and I want to give life to it.

Or, as a comedian, let’s say a joke doesn’t land.

Double down on that.

Keep going.

Know that if you’re going to bomb, bomb hard—destroy yourself—have the experience of ruining the performance, rather than trying to save it or get the laughs back.

To dive deeper into this topic, check out the original video here:

https://youtu.be/Ru-Lia8iVTM

Original Question:

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