Most guys who try to build confidence on their own don’t realize how much time they’re burning.

In this final video of the Nice Guy Recovery series, I talk about why confidence-building takes dramatically longer when you try to do it solo—and what actually changes when you stop doing it in isolation.

I’ve been working with men on this stuff for over a decade now, and the difference between “doing it alone” and “doing it with support” isn’t subtle. It’s not even close. I’ve watched guys spin their wheels for years, sometimes decades, while others make more progress in a few months than they did in the previous ten years combined.

And I say that as someone who tried to do it alone myself.

I spent seven years reading books, watching videos, experimenting, thinking I was “working on myself.” Then I finally got proper support—and the progress I made in the next six months completely eclipsed those seven years. It was humbling. And honestly, a little infuriating.

This video breaks down why Nice Guys struggle so much when they try to fix themselves from inside the same operating system that’s causing the problem in the first place. You’re using the same mind, the same beliefs, the same avoidance patterns, and the same blind spots to try to escape… itself. It’s the blind leading the blind.

One of the biggest issues is that the Nice Guy system is obsessed with control and emotional safety. So even when you start “doing the work,” it quietly reshapes itself to stay in charge. You think you’re being honest—but you’re still using honesty to control reactions. You think you’re being confident—but you’re still chasing approval in a louder, flashier way. Without outside perspective, it’s almost impossible to see that happening.

Another huge problem is blind spots. Real ones. Not intellectual ones—behavioral ones. Patterns that play out over days or weeks that you simply can’t see from inside your own head. By the time the bad outcome happens, you’ve completely forgotten what you did to create it. Someone else can spot that instantly. You can’t.

Then there’s the technical side. Confidence isn’t just a mindset. There are actual skills involved—how to express yourself without dumping emotional chaos on people, how to be vulnerable without oversharing, how to be assertive without becoming aggressive. Those are learned skills. You don’t just “figure them out” by thinking harder.

And of course, there’s confrontation. The one thing Nice Guys avoid at all costs. Confrontation is where growth accelerates—but your nervous system is wired to shut that down. Left to your own devices, you’ll endlessly delay the very moments that would free you.

In the video, I also talk about why masculine guidance matters, how bad information wastes years of effort, and why accountability changes everything—not in a motivational way, but in a brutally practical one.

I finish with a real client story that shows exactly how dramatic the difference can be when someone stops doing this alone.

If you’re serious about building real confidence—and you don’t want this to take the next decade of your life—this video will save you a lot of time and pain.

👉 Watch the full video here and finish the series properly.

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