Self-Development Knowledge Base

Social Gardening

Main topic:

Social Gardening is a model & process for developing your social world in an organic and stress-free way.

The concept was first designed by Coach Mike to help men change the paradigm of relationship-building from "hunting" to "growing." 

Social Gardening Basics

How the garden works

The model provides an easy analogue between gardening and relationship-building. It posesses several key components;

  1. Soil. Your personality, life and world- the better these are, the easier it is for plants to grow.
  2. Seeds. Potential relationships that you invite into your garden.
  3. Plants. Working, growing relationships. These can be many kinds of plants, which add different things to your life- beauty (flowers), sustenance (vegetables), flavor (fruit), and comfort (shade trees).
  4. Weeds. Plants which consume a lot of resources, but do not add anything meaningful to your life.

And several key activities;

  1. Planting. The process of carefully selecting seeds,
  2. Watering. Giving your attention - which is a limited resource - to plants, to nurture their growth.
  3. Weeding. Identifying and removing plants which are not helpful to building the life you want.

Why the garden works

The garden paradigm is all about creating a mindset shift, towards;

  • Progressive, v. Aggressive. The model changes the paradigm from a hungry, needy, hunting mindset, to a more abundant & nurturing one.
  • Completeness. It applies to all types of relationships, from work relationships, to friendships, to romantic relationships. Many men focus solely on finding a girlfriend, without even having male friends first. Your social circle is part of what make you and your life interesting, so it's an important part of your garden.
  • Creating a good life, first. Social Gardening focuses on creating an appealing life. The phrase "be the candle, not the moth" is an essential one that most men miss. Become a person worth being friends with, and you will never have to worry about finding friends.
  • Balancing Responsibility & Respect. You can plant the seed, and you can water the seed, but you cannot make it grow. This is an essential truth about relationships that most men miss- they assume they must do something to make someone like them.
  • Efficiency. Men tend to chase the wrong relationships, invest too much in relationships that will probably never become what they desire. Don't water the weeds.